I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
