Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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