I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
