I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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