I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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