lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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