woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
