i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
