she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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