honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
