Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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