Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
