I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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