Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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