it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
