So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
