Pappa wants mamma naked
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
