one two three fourrrrnication!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
