It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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