Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
