you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
