Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This girl is more easily done than said...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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