what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
