He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
