Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
