All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
