This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
