is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think a kid would responsible me up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
