She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
