If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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