Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
