I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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