I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
