sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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