If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Found the puke drawer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
