I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
