you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
