What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
