why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
