i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
