New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
