i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
