Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
