I wanna passion pit in your ass
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
