shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
