he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
