your room smells of hookers.
And success
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
