I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
