I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
