we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
