Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
