My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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