escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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